The High Cost Negative Humor
by Ann McGee-Cooper, Duane
Trammell, and Gary Looper
“A
group of managers in a Dallas-based company was discussing the challenge of
silos. One vocal woman was challenged on her perspective by a man who cut into
her conversation, asking, ‘Where did you say you were from?’ She answered, ‘New
York.’ He said, laughing, ‘Well, that explains a lot!’”
“A
doctor, lawyer, and priest were stranded on a desert island. They could see
large cargo ships going by but the ships couldn’t see them. So they decided to
draw lots and see which one of them should swim out to flag down a passing
ship. The lawyer lost and got in the water. These were shark-infested waters
and to the amazement of the priest, the sharks parted and made a lane for the lawyer
to swim through. The priest said, ‘My God, it’s a miracle!’ ‘No,’ replied the
doctor, ‘It’s just professional courtesy!’’
You
may have enjoyed a good laugh at similar jokes created at the expense of
certain groups. It usually feels good to chuckle and feel “in on” the joke. But
while all comedy has overt meaning, much of it also delivers a hidden, negative
message, one we may not consciously recognize or realize we are sending. Our
joking at someone else’s expense—even if they aren’t present—sends a strong
message defining “insiders” and “outsiders.” And if we happen to be members of
the group being targeted, such humor can undermine our sense of self-worth,
commitment to the organization, and performance.
“Rope
a DOAP” This
subtle art of intimidation and one-upmanship is prevalent in corporate America
and our society at large. Not long ago, we were working with a company that had
recently hired some new marketing executives to position the company for
greater growth. A schism soon developed between the new hires and the “old
timers” in the accounting department. The finance executives balked at the
money that was being spent on marketing campaigns without regard to budget
limits and battled with the “outsiders” in meetings. In response, the marketing
people began to refer to the accountants as “DOAPs”—dumb old accounting people.
After a while, they began to discredit any input that came from a DOAP. To
really slam a person the marketing executives would say, “You’re beginning to
sound like a DOAP,” or “That was an incredibly DOAPY think to say!” and
everyone would have a good laugh.
As
this derogatory terminology surfaced in meetings and hallway conversations,
many employees felt uncomfortable but kept quiet out of fear of being the next
target. They would think to themselves, “I would never say something like
that.” But their silence gave tacit approval to those who made the jokes, so
they were equally responsible for the trash talking. Over time, the
polarization and bitterness increased, and the two groups failed to capitalize
on the potential synergies between their complementary approaches to business
challenges.
Zinging
Zingers
What
are the roots of negative humor? Some might argue that they lie in
American-style individualism, which pits one person against the other in a race
to be the best, first, fastest, or smartest. Part of the “winning” strategy is
to intimidate, put down, or best others by discounting them and their position,
opinion, or performance. When we “zing” a group of people based on race,
religion, sexual orientation, gender, weight, or other characteristics, we feel
superior to them. And when others laugh at our “zingers,” we feel affirmed and
justified.
What
is the result of this tactic? When we are the targets, we may pay a price in
lowered self-esteem, self-doubt, anxiety, and loss of energy. It’s hard to stay
motivated at work when you begin to question your credibility within the
organization. And fear weakens the immune system, which increases illnesses and
absenteeism.
In
many instances, the offended person falls into the double bind of being
insulted and then told not to feel insulted. In fact, the retort, “Can’t you
take a joke?” implies that you are overly sensitive. This puts the labeler in
control and then labeled as unworthy of a valid complaint.
When
we aren’t the intended victim of a mean-spirited jibe but rather someone on the
sidelines listening and observing, we may feel that our personal integrity has
been eroded. If we laugh at negative humor, we are tacitly agreeing with the
joke teller and buying into his or her point of view. If we don’t laugh, we
risk being excluded or the butt of the next joke. We may be chided, “Loosen up”
or perhaps “Where’s your sense of humor?” But although it may seem like
harmless fun, negative humor can be emotional bullying or verbal abuse in its
most vicious form—even if we aren’t the targets. Over time, it can strip us of
our sensitivity,
empathy, and compassion.
What
are the costs to the larger organization of negative humor? They include
dysfunctional
teams,
internal competition rather than cooperation, less-than-optimal performance,
loss of trust, absenteeism, and a shift in focus from organizational goals to
petty agendas. When people josh at the expense of another’s dignity or worth,
they inadvertently create a hostile, polarizing culture.
But
Aren’t There Exceptions?
On
the other hand, when a blonde tells a blonde joke or a lawyer tells a lawyer
joke, the message can be genuinely funny, endearing, and open people’s hearts.
In fact, some of the most healing humor pokes fun at our shared human foibles.
Jerry Seinfeld, for example, has made a career of pointing out missteps that we
all make:
“The
problem with talking is that nobody stops you from saying the wrong thing. I
think life would be a lot better if it was like you’re always making a movie.
You mess up, and somebody just walks on the set and stops the shot. Think of
all the things you wish you could take back. You’re out somewhere with people.
‘Boy, you look pregnant. Are you?’ The director steps in. ‘Cut, cut, cut. That’s
not going to work at all. Walk out the door; come back in; let’s take this
whole scene again. People think about what you are saying.’”
We
have found that many enlightened leaders use this kind of self-deprecating
humor as a way to create a safe environment for admitting mistakes.
In
the early 1990s, we were asked to develop a process that would help five
competing engineering and construction contractors work together on the
multi-billion dollar Comanche Peak Steam Generation Nuclear Plant in North
Texas. Construction on the first unit involved huge cost and schedule overruns,
with many problems reported by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and local
environmental groups. When it came time for the second unit to be built, the
client wanted to do everything possible to ensure success. To develop a new
kind of teamwork and leadership in order to meet schedule, budget, and quality
goals, 39 of the most highly qualified individuals were selected to manage the
project as a team.
Not
long into the process, we noticed that project leadership team meetings were
rife with slams and trash-talking humor. For instance, when trying to explain
why schedules were slipping, people would commonly make a nasty joke about the
scheduler. The resulting sense of humiliation among those being slammed was
palpable; they became quiet, didn’t offer information, and looked for
opportunities to avenge themselves.
As
we began to draw attention to this dynamic, the team wondered about unintended
consequences of their ribbing, sarcasm, prejudicial slurs, and mean-spirited
put downs on productivity and morale. We coached them that negative humor was
reinforcing hierarchy and stifling the information flow they so desperately
needed. “This just isn’t the attitude of success we want to create here,” team
members agreed. And so they made a bold and courageous move. They set a new
standard for language and humor of the work site, beginning with themselves. At
meetings, they started charging a fee when participants used humiliation, or
ridicule. Violators would throw a quarter into a jar on the table when they
made a verbal slip.
In
just weeks, the tone of the humor in these meetings shifted 180 degrees. Even
more important, the group’s productivity went up. Information flowed more
freely, and root causes of problems became more evident. Putdowns lost favor.
Everyone learned the difference between “teasing” and “putting people in
their place.” When someone was the butt of a joke, all they had to do was say
“Ouch!” and the team understood that the line had been crossed. As the
project management team began to work together in more productive ways, the
atmosphere at the project site shifted as well. New recruits commented, “This
is not like any construction site I’ve ever worked on.” The 2,000 workers
adopted an incredible sense of pride and ownership for the project; it became
the elite place to work in the industry. Employees who persisted with
negative humor were weeded out through peer pressure. The project was
ultimately completed in record time, under budget, and with the highest
quality assurance/quality control scores ever given by the Nuclear Regulatory
Commission.
The Different Kinds of Humor
|
Negative Humor
|
Positive Humor
|
Puts other down.
|
Lifts other up.
|
Laughs at the expense of
others.
|
Laughs with others.
|
Humiliates, discounts,
ridicules.
|
Gently makes it safe for our
frailties.
|
Stereotypes people as all
alike.
|
Lifts up and honors
difference.
|
Is mean spirited.
|
Is gentle spirited.
|
Is self-aggrandizing.
|
Is humble.
|
Is defensive competitive, and
offensive.
|
Is open, vulnerable, and
safe.
|
Polarizes the listener,
splitting them off from empathy.
|
Integrates the listener with
self and others.
|
Challenges the right of
others to think differently.
|
Invites the listener to be
curious about the unexplored and undiscussed aspects of life, such as our
common human foibles.
|
Belittles, demeans,
ridicules.
|
Giggles at the human
frailties we all share.
|
Erodes our dignity and the
pride and spirit of others.
|
Lifts us up as precious
beyond those moments of embarrassment and failure we all wish to forget.
|
The Negative Side of
Humor: Put-Down Jokes
Paul McGhee, PhD, www.LaughterRemedy.com
"If there is no
malice in your heart, there can't be none in your jokes," Will Rogers
Other articles at this
website show that appropriately-timed humor on the job has the
power to break down
barriers between fellow employees and build positive connections
or bonds in their
place. Shared positive laughter promotes team building and helps teams
communicate more
openly and honestly. It supports the bottom line by helping us sustain
peak levels of
performance with an increasing pace of change, and the inevitable stress
that goes with change.
We've all seen
situations, however, where humor alienates people and creates barriers.
The problem here, of
course, is the kind of humor employees use on the job. Humor that
disrupts and weakens
teams is generally some kind of put-down humor—humor in which
there is a clear
victim or butt of the joke. This kind of humor always feels like "laughing
at" rather than
"laughing with."
It seems to be part of
human nature to tell jokes which poke fun at other groups or
individuals. Entire
countries are often known for their specific brand of put-down humor.
When I lived in Paris
for three years (in the 1980s), I discovered that the French loved to
poke fun at the
Belgians. A favorite butt of Canadian jokes is people from Newfoundland
("Newfie
jokes"). When I taught at Texas Tech University in the early 1980's,
everyone I
knew told
"Aggie" jokes (putting down students from Texas A & M University).
If you know a lot of
jokes poking fun at other racial or ethnic groups, the opposite sex,
etc., and tell them on
the job, it's just a matter of time until you seriously offend someone
(even if they laugh at
your joke). With increasing levels of cultural diversity emerging in
most work settings,
the best rule of thumb is to simply not tell any put-down jokes on the
job. A joke which you
assume will not offend your listeners can easily offend someone
within earshot of the
joke, even though you're not telling it to that person. If you must tell
these jokes, save them
for your friends when you're outside the office. The one exception
to this rule is that
it's generally OK to tell jokes putting down your company's main
competitors. For
example, if you work for Coca-Cola, it's always safe to poke fun at
Pepsi.
In my programs, I
often put myself at risk by telling a joke which demonstrates the
offensive nature of
put-down humor. For example, in the year or so after Bill Clinton was
elected President,
there were a lot of "Hillary jokes" going around. I ask my audience,
"Who's most
likely to be offended by this joke?"
Bill Clinton is
walking out of the Arkansas State Fair carrying a pig under his arm,
and on the way out he
runs into a farmer he used to know when he was Governor.
The farmer says,
"Hey Bill, what's with the pig?" Clinton answers, "I got it for
Hillary." The
farmer thinks about it and says, "Good swap."
The audience quickly
points out that most women and many democrats, and certainly
Hillary, would be offended
by the joke. And yet employees in companies across the
country can still be
found sharing such jokes around the coffee machine, walking down
the hall, etc.
In one company I spoke
to recently, an employee was fired for loading offensive jokes
onto the computers of
fellow-employees (they would see the jokes when they logged onto
their computer). He
assumed no one would know who fed the jokes into the system—an
assumption which cost
him his job.
Those who love
put-down jokes complain that the workplace has just become too
sensitive, and that
those who are offended by their jokes need to "lighten up" a bit.
While
I earn a living
helping people overcome "terminal seriousness" and begin taking
themselves more
lightly (while continuing to take their work seriously), I understand
perfectly well why
people are offended by jokes putting down other groups.
The joke-teller
generally says something like, "Hey, it's just a joke. I was only kidding.
What's the matter,
can't you take a joke?" The only problem is that unless you know the
teller very well, you
can never be sure whether the joke does or does not say something
about their true
underlying attitudes about the opposite sex or another racial or ethic
group. There are
enough people who do hold hostile attitudes toward the groups they put
down in their jokes
that, anyone who does not know you well will assume that you fall in
this category. Since
this can only disrupt the effectiveness with which you work together,
the best approach is
clearly to find another way to show your sense of humor on the job.
